And so has school started and surprise surprise, I'm sick again. I got 39 degrees fever yesterday and today 38, and also sinusitis, so I'm off from school and work. It really pisses me off because this time I truly decided I would work hard for my goal and this is how it started. I'm having migraines and teeth pain, and dizziness, but I'm still trying to survive. I got antibiotics so hopefully it will get better.
Anyway good things have happened too, I saw my Mum and Grandma today. They visited me meanwhile Jani was working (and I can imagine how it makes Jani sad because he is always so keen to visit my rellies and spend time with them, that's one reason why I love him and his attitudes) and they brought me shopping some groceries with them. Grandma bought me a plant and I bought one too. Now we have more plants home and it brings a cosy feeling. Ruu is still at our place spending his summer, Piitu visits occasionally. Life's great and I've been more steady lately. People get comfortable sooner or later and now I have achieved the state in my life. Autumn is almost here and I weirdly enjoy it. I was always a summer person but gotta admit that I've started to enjoy autumn even more and more.
My computer's been really slow lately, so I suppose I gotta take it to somewhere to get it fixed. I've had this laptop almost for 5 years and I wouldn't like to get a new one right now. My laptop is a Hewlett Packard and even some people say it's crap I've really liked it though. It might have some viruses in it even I have a free antivirus program. I know it might not be the best but it has worked fairly well.
Darling darling <3
Jani and I've been together almost for 8 months - lived together almost three of it. I'm totally convinced he is the one I'm gonna marry one day. No one has ever made me so happy and grateful in my life. He treats me like a princess and supports and cheers me whenever I need it. Not even that long time ago I was sure no one would ever love me or treat me the way I deserve. Then, outta nowhere, he walked into my life. Or, should I say, he slept next to me in a living room after New Year's Eve party. He did know me, but I didn't know him that well. And so he stole my pillow and blanket and slept happily 'til the morning light came up. Then we woke up (and my red hair on his face) and chatted together. He was shy, but still friend requested me the same evening on Facebook and started talking to me. I was interested in him after the morning talks and so it all started. So randomly, and I was about to skip the party because I wasn't feeling great earlier!! THANK GOD I DID NOT. Because who knows what would've happened, could be that we wouldn't have even met and talked to each other. I believe in destiny and this was perfectly meant to happen, and I will never be happier than I'm now. He is my darling boy and I will never let him go <3
Jani brought me roses, wine and chocolate the other day <3 <3
Looks like I've turned my brain into English again, so I wanna apologize people who don't fully understand. But pretty please forgive me, this is just a stage and will (will it really?) pass by and someday I might write in Finnish again, who knows. Right now this is really important to me because of my HSC coming next year, and I need to boost my creative writing in English. Not gonna be too proud or anything, but got 90/99 points in English essay the past week... ;)
I've decided not to worry too much about my correct writing in English, so I'm basicly writing English I would talk aloud. So, don't get offended or take it personally, I'm trying to keep it clear :)
Long time no see, gotta admit. I haven't been too busy or tired, I've just been lazy with writing. It feels so frustrating to come back to this blog because sometimes it will bring all the memories back and sometimes I wouldn't even like to remember that I'm not in Australia anymore. This is getting better every day and most of the time I'm thinking my year happily. Obviously it hasn't been so easy to adjust back when I continuosly want to live double life.
Friends :3 <3
Straya mate <3
Well my biggest fear is that my Aussie friends will forget about me. That someday someone will hear my name to be mentioned and think, whatta hell, who was that person and what did she do here.
I'm not worried about my host family, because they decided to exit themselves from my life. Their loss gotta say. All I wanted to do was stay friends with everyone but seems like my presence was too much for them. Maybe I was too friendly and helpful, it might've seemed like I was trying to take a too big place among them. Yes, I find it coward to unfriend me without even saying anything. Why didn't they just talk to me what went wrong? Maybe I could've apologised and tried again. But that's the smallest of my problems, to be honest.
I'm doing great, if you wanted to know. Jani and I've been living together for almost three months now, and been together almost 8 months. To me he's the most important thing in my life and I never want to let him go. He makes me the happiest girl on earth and we can be 110% honest to each other. I'm not afraid of saying my opinions and feelings aloud. I want to be the best "wife-to-be" to him as I can.
Something about the summer that suddenly passed by without noticing it. I got a job on June and I worked five days a week, three hours. It doesn't seem a lot, but I got paid fairly well (I do cleaning up.) Jani was (and is still) working long days, so some weeks I felt like we didn't even see each other when he returned home so late. But a big part of our relationship is trust and love, so if we didn't see each other a lot, we took all we could from the time we spent together.
We haven't been partying that much anymore. Mostly I feel like I've grown up and don't feel like partying to 5am every Friday and Saturday (sometimes even on Thursdays) so we have put more effort to "romantic" and peaceful home evenings. I also have reduce smoking because I'm afraid of cancers and getting seriously ill. As you might know, I've been smoking occasionally since I was 15, and more often now when I returned home. It hasn't been easy to quit because I can't really see a great reason right now to give it up, but I've reduced a lot and that's a small victory for me. Also alcohol is not so big deal anymore. Of course I drink wine and other drinks but not so often than I used to. Nowadays I might have one or two glasses after school and work, but not even every week. That's the Aussie habit I wanted to take with me and I succeeded.
Our friend group has separated and it really makes me unhappy. I really love my friends but something has come between the nine of us and some of my friends I haven't even seen in two-three months. And suddenly I realise I don't have the courage to call them and say, "hey let's meet up, I wanna keep you in my life." I never thought this would happen. It's totally possible that I had something to do with it but I can't really identify what went wrong at the end. Anyway we are friends with some of them and that comforts me.
I don't really have anything wise to say right now but I wanna go back to Aus. It really bothers me I can't see the people and my dearest friends everyday as I used to. I can't see their faces or hear them anymore. It feels like a dream. I know I'm not the only exchange student suffering of this but it still makes me restless and I can't feel totally calm and happy in one place. My heart has separated into two pieces - Finland and Australia. How am I ever supposed to keep them together and in unison? I can't really decide what I want from my life, because in one place I'm happy for a while and then I want a change. It sucks so much and I can't build my life here or there and think it will never change. What if I decide to go back Down under and leave everything here? I couldn't, at least I wanna have Jani with me.
So, maybe I have more motivation to write more now because I have returned back to high school. I'm gonna study hard and this is one good way to learn - writing in English. So as I said forgive me I haven't checked the text and it might be fucked up but get over it. Just wanted to come here to tell you my feelings :)
I'm writing this post only in English because I want to keep up my skills I learnt in Aus. It's been difficult to try to remember some sayings and sentences because I mostly speak Finnish here (obviously, even tho I speak English to myself sometimes, I'm driving people crazy by doing that...)
The first time I saw my parents again on the early morning of 20th December I faced some difficulties to speak Finnish. In the customs I kept answering the staff member in English, even he was asking me questions in Finnish. I felt silly and stupid, why would I do that? It just felt so normal and easy to do so.
To be honest, these four months I've spent in Finland have been the best (and also the hardest) months of my life. Here I have the best boyfriend, friends, family and people around me and I couldn't even ask more. But at the same time I miss Australia a lot. Everytime I'm left alone and I'm feeling lonely, I have time to think about all the things that happened back there. I recall all the small sentences, smiles, voices and hugs people gave me. The friendliness of people is magnificent. You couldn't expect that kind of behaviour in Finland - we're so different. It's a sign of weakness if you show your feelings. Ridiculous, right? It seems like we're not allowed to say "I don't like your behaviour" or "I don't think that went right" aloud in Finland. You don't put your nose into other people's lives or tell them if you felt mistreated. That's something I respect about Aus. People actually said aloud if they thought something went wrong. You people there are more honest and open than we're here. It's not right or wrong, it's just one of the biggest differencies between these two countries. You dare to show ALL your feelings, not only the good or the bad ones. Respect!
I'm planning to come back to Aus and see all the friends again. It feels so far away right now but I want to start saving some money and return soon. I'm wishing to take Jani with me and show him all the beauty I see in that country. You have so much beautiful things there - and the first one is you, the people. Love your attitude towards life, nothing's too serious and you can joke about anything. Obviously that style of life got me immediately and I felt like I belonged there. After facing some obstacles with the families and people, I just wanted to return back to Finland ASAP. I'm really glad I didn't do it, it would've ruined my self-confidence and I wouldn't be this brave now. I love the way the experience changed me - I really grew up. I can only recommed people to go and be exchange students, but you need to understand that it's not easy at all. It requires so much strenght and self-confidence to get through the experience. But at the end you will feel like a new person - you'll be all grown up.
I'm hoping to see all of you again and recall the moments with you guys. You probably can't understand the whole experience I went through, but I know you can remember what we all went through. All the teachers and students who loved me and gave me all their support deserve all the support back. McCarthy is the best place I've been to, and the best things happened there. You might not understand it, but not a school has never left me such an impact as McCarthy did. It's all about the people there - I love you all.
So this is just a quick throwback to my Aussie life and I'm trying to keep my English up, please feel free to talk to me on social media and tell me how you're doing. I'm interested in everything you're doing - I don't want to miss a thing. I want still feel like I'm included even tho I'm on the other side of the world. It doens't mean anything! I can still see, hear and smell the Aussie things. They live in my memories <3
Keväiset säät ovat menneet eikä aurinkokaan ole näyttäytynyt vähään aikaan. Kesälomaan on enää kaksi kuukautta jäljellä, ja odotan sitä oikeastaan kuin kuuta nousevaa. Vaikka keväällekin on jo suunniteltu kaikenlaista, kesä on kuitenkin se mun juttu. Ei tartte pukea toppatakkia ja montaa kerrastoa vaatteita, kun kesäisillä mekoillakin pärjää. Ja sitä auringon määrää, kun se vielä kajastaa jostakin aamukolmen aikaan!
Hey people!
The springly weather has gone and we haven't seen the Sun in a while either. Only two months until summer holidays, I'm really looking forward to that. Even tho we have plenty of plans for the spring, I'm still a summer person. Really, who wouldn't love it? You don't need to get dressed up in a thousand pieces of clothes when you can just wear thin dresses and shorts. Gotta love that. That's what I really miss about Aus! But there's something I specially love in Finland - the sunset at 3am, when the Sun doesn't really go even down...
Olen tällä hetkellä työvaltaisessa opiskelussa pienessä kulttuuriyhdistyksessä. Opin täällä perus toimistohommia ja tapahtumien järjestelyä. Kyllä tämä koulun penkillä istumisen voittaa, olen tosiaan ollut täällä jo helmikuun puolestavälistä lähtien. Pieni toimisto aivan Kuopion keskustassa takaa helpot työmatkat ja oikeastaan lyhyen matkan minne tahansa. Haaveilen tosin pienestä lomamatkasta jonnekin - se ei vain oikein onnistu pelkällä opintotuella ja -lainalla. Palkallisen työpaikan hakeminen on ollut kova sana, ja odottelenkin vastauksia erinäisistä työpaikoista.
At the moment I'm working via my school. This is a little organisation in the heart of Kuopio and I learn basic office jobs here. This beats studying at school anytime and I actually enjoy this. I'm dreaming of a little vacation overseas, but it's not possible at the moment - you can't afford it with only student money and loan. I'm expecting to hear about few workplaces I sent my applications in, but then I'll see how it goes, do I get a job or not.
Palattuani Suomeen oon lähinnä vaan ottanut kiinni sitä aikaa kavereideni kanssa, minkä menetin viime vuonna. Oon siis juhlinut aika paljon, mutta voin sanoa, että kivaa on ollutkin! Kuopiossa on koluttu Passion, Onnela, Ale Pub ja muutama muu. Joskus ollaan oltu touhuilla myös keskellä viikkoa ja sitten vain rellestetty menemään. Tämä on vain se vaihe, kun on juuri päässyt sisään 18-vuotiaan elämään ja kun on ollut koko edellisvuoden poissa. Ei se olisi näin kivaa jos mulla ei olisi tätä huippuporukkaa mun ympärillä <3
After I returned to Finland I've been catching up the time with my friends that I lost last year. I've been partying a lot, but I have to say that it has been amazing! In Kuopio we've been to Passion Club, Onnela, Ale Pub and few more, and sometimes we've been there even in the middle of the week. It's just the time when you've turned 18 and you haven't seen your friends in a year. It wouldn't be this fun tho if I didn't have all these amazing friends with me <3
Ja aikuisten oikeasti, en voisi olla onnellisempi kun saan jakaa arkeni Janin kanssa. Musta tuntuu, että meillä on sellainen maaginen yhteys, näinkin lyhyessä ajassa kuin kolme kuukautta, me ollaan opittu jo lukemaan toistemme ajatuksia. Kuulostaa kliseiseltä, mutta tarvitsen just tällaista tasapainoa ja rauhaa mitä Jani mun elämään tuo. Me ollaan täydellisessä tasapainossa meidän suhteessamme ja meidän on helppo olla yhdessä.
I'm being absolutely serious when I say I couldn't be happier when I share my life with Jani. I feel like we're having a magical connection even tho we've been together only a short time, three months. I feel like we're reading each other's minds. It sounds really cliché but this is what I really need - this balance and peace what Jani brings into my life. We're balanced and it's extremely easy to be together.
Life's easy when you have someone to share it with <3
Oon ollut vähän yli kolme kuukautta Suomessa nyt. Pahoittelen, etten ole kirjoitellut. Ennen tätä Aussijuttujen läpikäyminen on ollut vähän haastavaa ja kaikki muistot ovat palanneet niin kirkkaina takaisin. Henkisesti olen jo sopeutunut Suomeen ihan hyvin ja elämä tosiaankin hymyilee täällä. Muutama viikko kotiinpaluuni jälkeen löysin elämäni tärkeimmän ihmisen, Janin, jonka kanssa olemme nyt melkein kolme kuukautta rakentaneet yhteistä elämäämme. Kannatti siis lähteä niihin uudenvuoden bileisiin, vaikka edellisestä postauksesta voisi lukea, että meinasin jättää ne väliin! Voin sanoa, että olen onnellisempi kuin koskaan. Vaikka aikani Australiassa oli korvaamatonta (ja välttämätöntä kasvuni kannalta), ovat nämä kolme kuukautta opettaneet minulle elämästä todella paljon. Olen tosiaan asunut myös solussani tammikuun alusta, ja hyvin on mennyt. En voisi muuttaa takaisin vanhempieni luo enää, kun olen tottunut hallitsemaan omaa elämääni.
G'day mates, Aussies & Finnish fellows xx
I've been a bit over three months in Finland now. I'm really really sorry that I haven't written anything since the New Year, because going through all this Aussie stuff was too difficult to me. I'm adjusted back to Finland and life's absolutely smiling. Few weeks after I returned I went to the New Year's party (even tho you can read that I was hesitating because I was feeling sick) and it was the best decision of my life, because there I met my boyfriend Jani. We've been together almost three months and I'm living the best time of my life. Even tho my life in Aus was irreplaceable(and I really needed to experience it) I can say that these three months in Finland have taugh me lots about life. I've been living alone since the beginning of January and I could never return to my parents place. I love them heaps but I love living by myself.
Tähän nyt sitten kuvia havainnollistamaan, mitä on tapahtunut tuon elämää muuttavan uudenvuoden jälkeen! Nauttikaa ja palaan kuulumisiin taas piakkoin xx
Here comes photos relating to what has happened after that New Year's party when everything began! Enjoy and I promise to write more often xx
